Why do I even try

I put myself under so much stress
Cause myself so much pain
Making others sorrows mine
Why do I even try

Why do I even try
To make this world a better place
To make everyone feel happy
To bring a smile on every face

Why do I even try
To think solutions to problems of all
To be always there for others
Forever ready to take the fall

Why do I even try
To carry a smile on my face
To make people think I am happy
Living my life with style and grace

Why do I even try
To ask if everything is hunky dory
To try and correct whats wrong
Always repairing what is gory

Why do i even try
To water all the plants there are
To give every passenger the perfect shadow
Make him rest if the destination is far

Why do I even try
To prove that mankind isn't doomed
To prove that things are still all right
Just that they are taking time to be groomed

Why do I even try
To always change the status quo
Never happy with what I have
Looking always to the hill brow

Why do I even try
To explain myself to one and all
To change others' perception of me
To answer everyone's beck and call

I am fed up with all
and hence I now turn back and cry
I walk on the road I have never walked before
And exasperated I shout aloud
"Why did I even try"

My First,My Last, My Everything

I hate to break the chronological order. I hate to break all patterns. But then it was extremely necessary. Just couldn't write prose today. Being a poet for 9 years makes you only think in terms of poetry. The last time I wrote prose it was a play in class 8th.

As I have established by now that my love for all was equal. But then I was human too. I too had my favorites. One day we went to the zoo. People expected me to be happy seeing the monkeys and the lions but then I stared at the tortoise instead. I watched him as he slowly made his way around. How he covered himself in his shell. Something I would become an expert in the forthcoming years of my life.

I heard one of the fellow visitors say," Do you know that tortoises have the largest life span among all animals". I looked to Dad with a dazed look. He replied smiling,"They live the longest". I said I wanted to live for long too. Though I didn’t know at that nascent stage of my life what exactly did ‘living’ and ‘longest’ mean, but now when I look back I think there wouldn’t have been a more apt statement I could have made. I didn't tell him the reason I wanted the longevity for at that time. I couldn’t have known myself. Though I am curious what would have been my reply had this question been put forth. I know the reason now-I wanted as much time as possible to fulfill my purpose in life.

A few years after that incident our teacher asked us to write something about an animal we admired. People started thinking how to write and which animal to write about. But I just had old memories flashing across my mind. I did not think how to write. It just came naturally to me. Words got concatenated themselves. Thoughts came in perfect flow. It was like I had been doing this all my life. I just sat there and gazed at the ceiling.

My friend then shook me telling that school was over and we had to leave. We reached the school gate but had missed the bus. My friend was angry at me but I just smiled. I had found my first Love-writing poetry. That day I just went back home and sat in my favourite corner. Not watching the TV for a change but writing something. And this is what I came up with after half an hour-MY FIRST POEM written at the age of 12.

Here it goes:

The Slow But Steady Tortoise

The tortoise is the animal I greatly admire

As it has all the qualities wise men require

It is slow but steady

And always seems to be ready

It protects itself from everything

And seems to be extremely cunning

Although it may have a daunting task to face

It always succeeds in winning the race

Though it is sluggish but never late

It always decides its own fate

Although its use to us is very minute

It is truly worthy of our salute

It can teach something to each one of us

And those things we must learn without much fuss

Accept my salute, O dear friend

And always continue to live in this trend

The Prince

On 26th March,1987 a boy descended into this world.

Many would have arrived on the day but he believes himself to be different from the others. "A kid with a difference i am" he says. And he surely turned out be a different kid as we will all know after a while.(if you have any doubts just look at the way he writes i.e. not the content but the way he handles the pen-all your incertitudes will vanish)
Yes that fateful day in the peak winters Grandpa the doctor used all his clout to get the best possible arrangements for the soon to be descending Prince on the planet. He only wanted the best for the best from the start. And he got his way then and there. I cant imagine the excitement there would have been on people's faces but certainly recall the day I was going to see my younger brother who had just chosen to make his way into the world to help me have a live toy for playing instead of those inanimate ones.

There were smiles all around as Mom narrates the experience to me. She said she was proud I was her son and the 9 months of painstaking labor had surely been worth it(I still don’t figure out why she says that but then don’t have the heart to ask her). She said I was a quiet child. I never cried a lot. But early signs of my far reaching capabilities in whatever i did in each and every walk of life were showcased when i exercised my powerful vocal chords and brought the whole neighborhood to a standstill with my infrequent vociferations at that tender age.

But then i was cute. I gave the word a whole new meaning. Strangers stopped and looked at me for hours. Everyone queued up to take me in their arms and kiss me and cuddle me and love me. In short people from all walks of life and all ages doted on me. If India Pakistan situation had to be resolved they had to just take me with them to the neighbors on the other side and all would have been forgotten i think. I did not differentiate among people with my affection from that young age only and mom said she knew from those days that i would make a good judge. All would have been equal before my eyes.
I laughed a lot at that time. I always had a smile on my face. It kind of comes with the package I think. But then Mom had a complaint. She said I never ate much. The early feedings had given her inkling how tough it would be to get me to eat all my life. My present condition and figure just elucidates that fact.

I was named then.' Atul' it was to be. They said I was incomparable. None could bring such joy. I agree with them in a different way. I was incomparable because I was to be different.

Dad was in Government service. After driving 25 kms on a rugged scooter and coming back at night after a hard day's work the only respite he got was carrying me in his arms. That was my earliest cradle. The cradle of my Dad’s arms. It made me realize that he was always there. He wouldn't let anything happen to me at any cost. With that comfort I slept innocently. My sleep though had an abnormal pattern which is brought out in my habits today. I didn’t sleep till 4 in the morning. Same as I now do. But they lived with me. They enjoyed this pain too. They lost sleep over me. Because I was the Prince.

A funny thing happened when I was 3 months old. Dad went to Germany a few days earlier on Govt training. Then he called me and Mom too to be there. The passport was to me made by someone at the office. The person forgot my name at the time of filling the form. He just couldn’t commemorate those four letters"A T U L". And hence I made my journey from this land to foreign shores for the first time under a false name. "GAURAV" it was. People still call me by that name. And now when someone says we are proud of you I thank that person profusely in my mind to have named me that.

Germany was a heaven for me. Mom says I looked my best there. That grin of mine had a mesmerizing effect on the people there. Even more than what it had in our own nation. There is one situation that I regret I could not have seen. We went on a steamer one day., Mom was holding me in her arms on the deck. A German lady just walked by. She had gone a few paces forward when she turned. Mom said she was scared why did she turn after such time. The lady came to her and stopped. She stared at me for a few moments. Mom asked her if she wanted to hold me. She immediately accepted the offer. I don’t know how Mom had communicated with her. As Mom knew no German and the lady didn’t know any English. But then these things don’t need a language to be said. Or rather these things don’t need to be said. They are just understood.

She held me in her arms. And then she cried. Mom said I kept on smiling and my hand leapt in the air towards her face. As if I was trying to wipe her tears off (another habit which showed early signs).She offered Mom some money. Obviously Mom didn’t take it. But then the lady didn’t relent. The next port we docked on she got off the ship and came back with a majestic pram for me. And she heard no more and just took me from Mom's arms and put me in the pram. Mom told that she thought my grin widened a bit as soon as i sat in the pram. And then she left. But not before saying something in German. Mom just got the hint of it and remembered. Trying hard not to forget it.

As soon as we docked and she met Dad and before Dad could ask her about the pram, she blurted out," Marchenprinze, what does that mean". Dad couldn’t understand what she was asking. But she kept on repeating the same question. Dad said it means "Prince Charming".

And Mom replied,"How appropriate she was. He really is a charmer. And he is the prince of everyone's heart." Dad took me from the pram and raised me into the air calling me the Prince even though he didn’t know why and who called me that. This was how i was anointed "The Prince".

I started my mission early
Was quite good at it too
And when my innocent face came before anyone
They would be in awe too

They would lose their sorrows
Enchanted by my smile
Transcended to another world
Away from all cries


Spreading happiness came naturally to me
It was the right path to take
Because I only followed Dad's footsteps
A new path I didnt make

And hence I was annointed
By a lady in a foreign land
Who never met me after that
But in my life had a huge hand

In the air I was raised and named

'The Prince' the world forboded
Yes the name still sticks with me
And my ability to spread happiness hasnt eroded